Finding the Right Counselor
It’s All About the Fit
Let’s be honest—starting therapy is a big step. For most people, the idea of sitting across from a stranger and talking about your life feels… well, a little weird. Add to that the endless scrolling on Psychology Today or Google trying to find “the right one,” and it can start to feel impossible.
Here’s the good news: finding a counselor isn’t about finding “the best” therapist in the world. It’s about finding the best therapist for you.
That’s what we mean when we talk about “fit.”
So… what does “fit” even mean?
Think about the last time you bought a pair of shoes online. They looked great in the photos, had glowing reviews, maybe even came recommended by a friend. But when you tried them on? Too tight. Or too loose. Or just not you.
That doesn’t mean the shoes are bad. It just means they weren’t your fit.
Counseling is the same way. The relationship between therapist and client is the single biggest factor in whether therapy works. More than degrees. More than techniques. More than whether your counselor has succulents and an essential oil diffuser in their office. (Though, if that’s important to you, ask!)
How do you know if it’s a good fit?
👀 Do I feel safe enough with them to be honest—even about the hard stuff?
🤔 Do their values and approach seem to align with mine?
🎯 Do they specialize in what I’m hoping to work on?
💬 Do I like the way they communicate? (Some therapists are super structured and clinical. Others are more conversational. Neither is wrong—you just need what works for you.)
And yes, it’s okay to ask your therapist questions too:
“What’s your approach to therapy?”
“Have you worked with clients from different spiritual or cultural backgrounds?”
“How do you handle it when clients disagree with you?”
Any therapist worth their salt will be glad you asked.Let’s talk about me for a second
I try to be as transparent as possible on my site so you can decide if I might be a good fit for you. Want to know more about how I work (and a little about me as a human)? Check out my Counseling FAQs.
One thing to know upfront: I deeply value curiosity, open-mindedness, and meeting people exactly where they are. I believe in freedom (it’s why I work for myself), and authenticity (it’s why I wrote Jesus & Me, which chronicles the deconstruction of my own faith, and Soul Audit, which explores aligning our values, our sense of self, and how we show up in the world).
I also believe that humor is an important part of healing. Therapy can be hard work, but it doesn’t have to be humorless. Sometimes a little laughter at the absurdities of life can make the heavy stuff feel a little lighter.
My approach is deeply relational and rooted in a social-justice-oriented (some might call it “woke”) perspective on the world and especially the work of counseling. Technically speaking, I align most with Relational-Cultural Theory, which emphasizes connection, mutuality, and the healing power of relationships.
I also love working with creative people—especially writers—and helping them use their own storytelling skills to rewrite the narratives of their lives (that’s Narrative Therapy in action). Depending on what’s needed, I’ll also pull from Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT), DBT, Gestalt, and more. I’m not married to any one approach; I use what works for you.
With over 20 years of experience in a variety of settings, I’ve worked with all kinds of people and challenges. I’m pretty good at rolling with whatever you throw at me. My background in professional wrestling taught me how to think on my feet, while my love of theatre helps me encourage clients to keep the drama onstage—not in their everyday lives
But here’s the thing: I also know I’m not the right counselor for everyone. And that’s okay. Therapy is about you and what you need, not about fitting into my mold.
Sometimes people meet with a therapist and realize it’s not working for them. Maybe the style isn’t right. Maybe values clash. Maybe the timing just isn’t right.
That’s normal. In fact, I encourage you to honor that feeling. A good fit means you can show up fully and do the work without second-guessing whether your therapist understands you.
So take your time. Read the FAQs. Ask more questions. Trust your gut. You deserve a therapist who feels like a partner, not a stranger in a chair.
Final thought
Starting therapy is brave. Finding a counselor who’s right for you is even braver. So give yourself permission to ask questions, be choosy, and take your time. You deserve to feel safe, supported, and seen.
If you think I might be the right fit, I’d be glad to be part of your story. And if not? That’s okay too—there’s a therapist out there who’s just your speed. Don’t settle for anything less than a connection that feels real.